if i try to tell you i have given up, it only proves i haven’t.
if i had really given up i wouldn’t be writing you, i wouldn’t
say anything, i would be gone.
if i tell you i am leaving it is only proof i haven’t left.
it is obviously an attempt to get a response, an attempt to
get you to tell me you want me to stay. but i hear nothing,
and i still don’t leave, and that is when i begin to feel frightened,
vulnerable, no longer in control of my own thoughts or
feelings or actions, and that is when i begin to unravel
like a cloud on a sunny day.
paint is a vibration . colors are like music . only silent.
form and rhythm in texture and color. solitary. mostly.
music. and theater. and dance. people who play with other people.
writing. painting. some kinds of photo. people who travel the inner caverns
alone . through shadow deserts and forests of emerald and ruby light.
all art is disarming. all art sends the creator and experiencer somewhere else…
to experince art is in itself an act of creativity. of recognition. or inquiry.
let me dance in the night around the fire with the tribe and go into frenzy.
red as a bordello and send me out with whiskey and opium to find crooked dreams.
and see if you can keep it.
and then go live on it and invite all your friends
and start a new humanity of utopian dreams of love and forgiveness
like we all feel we are really
the art. the wall. the canvas. the house.
the energy has to flow. the images will shine. there is no mistake.
color. brush. paper. time.
after ten hours
you will be facing a total mystery of yourself.
paint a golden frenzy like the dawn of time
paint a low vibration of diving into the salty brine
singing with the fishes diving down so far so deep
then leaping-up-out-of-it to the furthest starry reach.
in frozen unreachable mountains
on the other side of the sea you think you will never reach
and then suddenly you are there.
the winds are full of voices
but the only one you can listen to is way deep down inside you ––it is yelling,
but by the time it finds your conscious mind
it is barely a whisper.
the gratitude angels are the only ones who can fly in these hurricanes
and–– float through the air graceful and calm
like winged ships sailing on a gentle sea.
Terrible crow of outrageous beauty.
Solitary crow in the snow like the definition of black
And grey sky.
Crow of sonic song that scratches the soul.
Crow with electric red eyes, blazing
through the moonless night.
––What are you mumbling about? … asked Mr Bones
––Just thinking out loud… said Crow.
retro response nomenclature sunrise
(surmising what have you)
like an octopus tatsting martinis….
down the street a fire engine goes all sonic and light show…
just because it can
and why not…
except, don’t make a habit of it––
grab the stethoscope and march 2 miles in a circle,
return to where you left from,
it’s called “exercise”. . .
sleepy inside the raindrop very much a universe all it’s own.
25 things about me.
1. I would rather be a dolphin or a whale.
2. I would like to take a road trip in outer space.
3. My first car was a 1955 green Cadillac my grandfather gave to me.
4. My second car was a 1967 blue Electra 225 my grandfather gave to me.
5. My third car was a 1977 white Volkswagon Rabbit.
4. Then a Honda Accord briefly in 1987
5. Then a white Mazda RX-7 for a few years.
6. I love driving cross country.
7. I really enjoyed seeing CarHenge in Alliance, Nebraska.
8. I really enjoyed the OZ Museum in Wamego, Kansas.
9. The Hearst Castle in California…and The Grand Canyon are amazing.
10. Russians are my favorite writers.
11. I really enjoyed the whole photography experience much more with film.
12. I love/hate digital photography, computers, cell phones, internet etc. etc. etc.
13. I like watching movies. Quite a bit.
14. I like reading very very much.
15. These sorts of lists pretty much drive me up the wall. But I like other peoples.
16. I like coffee.
17. I really really miss smoking lots of cigarettes and may have to start again someday.
18. People who are sure of themselves sort of bore me to tears.
19. I am hopelessly punctual. Almost never ever ever late at all.
20. I had the same first grade teacher that Dick Van Dyke had.
21. I would like to have a two martini lobotomy…a permanent two drink high.
22. I haven’t been in a fist fight since grade school….and that’s just fine with me.
23. I don’t know why I finally decided to write these 25 things.